The cable TV program Attack of the Show! interviewed a writer from Something Awful.com.

But the site's creator gave him specific instructions on how to sabotage the interview.



...concentrate on making Something Awful seem like the worst site in the world. Come off as a real jerk. Refer to Something Awful by the wrong name, like "Something Is Awful dot com" or "Some Things Awful." Make up facts about the site. Claim I'm in jail. Say we're being investigated by the FBI...

...make sure everything you say is 100% wrong. Don't answer any questions legitimately. I want people who never heard of Something Awful before the interview to think it's a horrible site and never want to visit...

If I look at the Something Awful stats and notice traffic has spiked after your interview, I'm going to know you did a terrible job



Here's a transcript of how the final interview went down...


ATTACK OF THE SHOW: All right, if it's floating around the net, and it's funny - chances are it came from Something Awful! And today, I'm joined by one of the main perpetrators, writer David Th - excuse me, Doctor! Doctor David Thorpe!

SOMETHING AWFUL: It's a pleasure to be here, Kenneth.

ATTACK OF THE SHOW: Uh, it's Kevin, and it's a pleasure to have you here! I'm a big big fan of your site, David.

SOMETHING AWFUL: Thank you. I'm glad to hear that.

ATTACK OF THE SHOW: Uh, so for those, uh, who are uninitiated, this Something Awful .com, it's been around for a little while, it's a web site on the internet.

SOMETHING AWFUL: Yeah, you could say that.

ATTACK OF THE SHOW: Uh...

SOMETHING AWFUL: I guess you would be right about that.

ATTACK OF THE SHOW: Yeah?

SOMETHING AWFUL: Internet, yeah.

ATTACK OF THE SHOW: It is on the world wide web, freely available?

SOMETHING AWFUL: Um, well, if you want to join the forums, you have to pay about eighty bucks a month.

ATTACK OF THE SHOW: Oh.

SOMETHING AWFUL: But, uh, but you can browse the site for free, yeah.

ATTACK OF THE SHOW: All right. So, if people are browsing the site, what are they going to find? What is Something Awful all about?

SOMETHING AWFUL: Pop-ups. Pop-ups. Pop-unders, Flash ads. Porn ads, porn ads with sound. Um...

ATTACK OF THE SHOW: Right. Full-screen flash ads?

SOMETHING AWFUL: Oh yeah, yeah. You - it's going to take a while for you to find any content on the site. Uh - often there is none.

ATTACK OF THE SHOW: Great!

SOMETHING AWFUL: So, uh, if you like pop-ups, though, it's a huge depository of popups.

ATTACK OF THE SHOW: Now, the internet used to not be filled with so many popups. Was there a time when Something Awful wasn't completely cluttered with useless crap?

SOMETHING AWFUL: Well, it started in about 1999 as a, uh, monster truck rally newsletter. And it was pretty popular. Uh, a guy named Lowtax did it in his basement and distributed it to his friends. But, uh, it got slightly less highbrow since then, so nowadays it's, I don't know, the humor's a little sort of juvenille now.

ATTACK OF THE SHOW: Right.

SOMETHING AWFUL: It's not, you know, people don't 'like it'. You know what I mean?

ATTACK OF THE SHOW: No, understandable. It's not 'Popular'.

SOMETHING AWFUL: No, no, It's not 'Popular'. People don't like it. It's not original.

ATTACK OF THE SHOW: All right.

SOMETHING AWFUL: We steal most of our content from a guy named Maddox.

ATTACK OF THE SHOW: Oh yeah!

SOMETHING AWFUL: Yeah.

ATTACK OF THE SHOW: "The Best Page in the Universe," or something like that.

SOMETHING AWFUL: Yeah. Most of it is stolen from him.

ATTACK OF THE SHOW: Very nice! Uh, now, now, you mentioned the forums. People actually pay to use a, a message board on the internet?

SOMETHING AWFUL: They pay ridiculous amounts of money for what amounts to nothing.

ATTACK OF THE SHOW: Wow. Now why would, why would any 'goon' want to do that?

SOMETHING AWFUL: Um, well, I guess it's sort of, like, I guess you could call it the legitimate front for a cult. And, uh, you know, it's - they promise you eternal savlation.

ATTACK OF THE SHOW: "Join us!" Right there. I mean, it's, it's telling you...

SOMETHING AWFUL: It's pretty transparent that it's just basically a cult

ATTACK OF THE SHOW: You'll clearly follow any man that looks like that.

SOMETHING AWFUL: Yes. That's actually him before the, uh, incarceration.

ATTACK OF THE SHOW: Yeah. Oh, so he's currently locked up?

SOMETHING AWFUL: He is, he is locked up, he is in jail for selling prescription drugs over the internet.

ATTACK OF THE SHOW: Mmm.

SOMETHING AWFUL: ...which used to be what the site was about, before they sort of, the FBI kind of put the put the nix on that whole thing.

ATTACK OF THE SHOW: They tend to, they tend to squash the fun, David.

SOMETHING AWFUL: Yeah, it was alot of fun getting valium from them. That's why I'm called Dr. David Thorpe, in fact, is because they decided that they needed somebody with the title 'Doctor'. Even though I'm not actually a medical doctor, they decided to, uh...

ATTACK OF THE SHOW: Oh, nice!

SOMETHING AWFUL: ...to pretend that I was one.

ATTACK OF THE SHOW: Good! Good! Uh, now, something else... You guys - the interesting thing about the forums, even for the people that pay, is that you guys are, I almost see the Something Awful crowd as trend setters. Like they, they influence a good population, a good portion of the internet. 'All Your Base', really, it's kind of credited to Something Awful. Even Goatse, everything - they kind of gear it towards Something Awful. I mean, is that...

SOMETHING AWFUL: Yeah. Anything that's sort of played out and kind of uncool about the internet...

ATTACK OF THE SHOW: Mmm huh.

SOMETHING AWFUL: ...things that have been around for a long time, and everybody hates them by now, and the joke is dead -- Something Awful is still beating that dead horse. Like, 'All Your Base' jokes - all the time on Something Awful.

ATTACK OF THE SHOW: Great!

SOMETHING AWFUL: Yeah, Goatse jokes, all the time. If people don't know what Goatse is, it's a - it's a photo of a man sort of elaborately manipulating himself. In a really strange way. So...

ATTACK OF THE SHOW: Yeah, that's, that's one way to describe, uh, Goatse, yes.

SOMETHING AWFUL: Yeah. Yeah, it's a - it's a fun little site.

ATTACK OF THE SHOW: So now you're, you're not an actual doctor, but you play one on the internet.

SOMETHING AWFUL: Yeah.

ATTACK OF THE SHOW: What do you do for Something Awful. You, you write columns about - bands that suck and about bad fashion?

SOMETHING AWFUL: Yeah, basically, uh, my homeboy Zach and I write a thing called Fashion swat every couple of weeks wehre we sort of make fun of old clothes, we get pictures from all over - old clothes, clothes that are strange, you know... We had some strange Japanese fashions a while ago. Basically, they're really ridiculous clothes on the surface, and making fun of them is like shooting fish in a barrel. There's nothing paritcularly interesting or innovative about it. But, it's what we do. You know.

ATTACK OF THE SHOW: It's where you get your kicks.

SOMETHING AWFUL: Yeah, yeah, we get our cheap laughs that way. Cheap juvenille laughs.

ATTACK OF THE SHOW: (Pained silence) All right, David, thanks for coming on the show! It was great having you! Folks, for more information on Something Awful, just enter Something Awful . com into your browser's address bar and press enter, and you'll be taken to that magical and disturbing land.

SOMETHING AWFUL: (Off-camera): It's actually Something is Awful . com

ATTACK OF THE SHOW: Something is Awful.com. All right. Hey, coming up next, we've got the 'Attack of the Show equilavent of a cage match! In this corner wearing the bedazzeld shorts and diamnond-encrusted gloves is Sarah's damn good download and in the other corner wearing half a pair of Speedos and muttering to itself is 'It came from eBay'. They're coming out swinging! Right after this....



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