"The equipment in ventriloquist dummies is alot like the prototype of the artificial heart I designed."

That's the gist of just one amazing facet in the life of ventriloquist Paul Winchell -- who, yes, designed the first prototype for an artificial heart.

He was also the voice of Tigger.

7:42 PM

"You're a swell dish. I think I'm gonna go for you."

Yes, Turner Classic Movies has released "Famous [Movie] Pick-up Lines."

Laugh along while a reporter for the Las Vegas Review Journal tests them out....

"When you get your fill of marriage, I'll be waiting for you..."

4:25 PM

Attention, aspiring mystery writers.

Elmore Leonard offers his 10 rules for writers.

#1. "Never open a book with weather...."

Destiny-land shuddered in the rain-slicked alley....

2:15 AM

The author of "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" is threatening a blogger.

Why? Because the blogger questioned the legitimacy of the author's PhD -- which does appear to have come from a non-accredited college in California in the early 80s.

I wonder what planet his lawyer is from?

6:47 PM

The Associated Press reports from Courtney Love's drug possession trial.

At another point she said to her attorney, "You're fired."

"Miss Love, you're not doing yourself any favors," Superior Court Judge Elden Fox said.

"Rehired," Love said.

4:47 PM

My friend Laura describes watching The Matrix on TNT...

"I particularly enjoyed the dubbing of swear words with such popular epithets as "Just do what I say, copperhead!" or Keanu saying, "Oh shucks!" when he looks down from the ledge and realizes he can't climb onto the scaffolding."

11:19 PM

Disney consumer products have discontinued a 700-pound statue of Mickey Mouse dressed as Janet Jackson. (Click the link for a picture...)

Wait a minute -- Mickey Mouse is a cross-dresser?!

6:11 AM

The Passion of Christ blooper reel -- as envisioned by humorists at The Morning News.

Meanwhile, Suckful.net awaits the sequel -- 2 Christ 2 Passionate.
Link found at Andy's Waxy.org

9:53 PM

An amazing drama unfolded during the half-time show of an NBA basketball game. The Washington Wizards were playing the Indiana Pacers, and the halftime entertainment included a woman blindfolded, trying to tag a mascot to win a free pair of game tickets. But when she took off the blindfold, there was a man with an engagement ring, down on one knee. "Will you marry me?" he asked.

The woman covers her face with her hands, then runs off the court.....

"Woman says 'I don't' at NBA Game," read the headline.

It's such a compelling video.

I was sorry -- but relieved -- when the NBA announced the episode was all just a stunt. No fragile male egos were harmed during the making of this halftime show...

6:01 PM

Another forgotten moment from rock-and-roll history...

"The Sunrays were mostly just another surf pop syrup band, made to sound as much like the Beach Boys as Murry Wilson could make them during his I hate my sons and they hate me period...."

7:27 PM

The Beach Boys wrote a song about: Salt Lake City.

It's not clear why. They single out the city for having "the grooviest kids," a radio station, and a park near the city.

My friend Laura noticed the song contains a lyric that's bafflingly bad. I'll consecrate it here as a free-form poem.

The way the kids talk
      so cool
    is an out-of-sight
         thing.

"Screw the Beach Boys' version..." wrote one alt-weekly. "[Utah punk band] Thunderfist penned the ultimate two-minute tribute to the city by the dead lake -- and they did it under the influence of our mere 3.2 Pabst, to boot..."

12:02 PM

Check out the kitschy hotel rooms at California's Madonna Inn.

My favorite is The Caveman Room. And The Buffalo Room. The Yahoo room even has its own waterfall.

And wagon wheels on the bed...

5:37 PM

This speaks for itself...

"I SAW JANET JACKSON'S BOOB' T-SHIRTS SOLD HERE!"

They're only thirteen dollars....

12:11 PM

The Beach Boys song "The Warmth of the Sun" has an unusual history. It was written by Brian Wilson the day in 1963 when President Kennedy was assassinated.

What good is the dawn
That grows into day,
The sunset at night
Or living this way...

Still I have the warmth of the sun
Within me at night....

1:27 AM

Howard Dean finally clarifies his position...

...on Janet Jackson's breast.

8:29 PM

The actor who played Billy Jack is running for President.

As a Republican, against President Bush.

And he got 154 votes in the New Hampshire primary.

Link stolen from Skippy the Bush kangaroo

4:40 PM

"And you folks were worried about terrorists. Meet the real enemy: Janet's Boob."

Sunday 140 million viewers watched as Justin Timberlake ripped off Janet Jackson's breast plate. These photos capture the Super Bowl-shocker as the two singers performed their MTV-produced half-time show. And the world press was quick to react...

"Oooops! Janet Jackson flashes 140 million!" --WorldNet Daily

"Janet hangs out with Justin"--Sydney Herald

"Sorry for the boob, says CBS." --Sydney Herald

"Oh you nasty boy! Janet Jackson glares at Justin Timberlake..." --(Sports Illustrated photo caption)

"...the stage has been to set to produce an event that the Super Bowl audience will remember for years to come," MTV's President announced last week. *snicker*

9:16 PM

If you're using Internet Explorer, you can view an enhanced version of this web-log at the following URLs.

This experiment allows you to...hey! What's going on? Crap. Now it's out of focus. No, that's worse...

Okay, that's close. Maybe if you whack the monitor real hard....

Yet another cool link found on Waxy.org

10:54 PM

Q: How many Oscar nominations did they give Quentin Tarantino's Kill Bill, Vol. I?

A: 0

Tarantino's distributor worried Vol. I would compete with its sequel -- Kill Bill Vol. 2 -- for Oscar nominations. So they scheduled the release of the two movies to be four months apart -- but in different years.

Turns out it was kind of unnecessary...

Meanwhile, the two sequels to The Matrix toughed it out, and both movies were released in the same year. So...

Q: How many Oscar nominations did the two Matrix sequels get?

A: 0

Watch the just-released trailer for Kill Bill Vol. 2 here!

6:25 AM

Nearly one-third of prime-time television is ads.

Fifty-two minutes out of three hours...

5:10 PM

While reviewing Torque, Roger Ebert remembers the review he wrote 37 years ago for "Hells Angels on Wheels." (Starring Jack Nicholson.)

The big difference, says Ebert, is that the genre has changed. What were "B" pictures in the 60s are now "A" pictures today.

Ebert also notes that "the motorcycle chase in Torque had "approximately the same level of reality as a Road Runner chase."

5:02 PM

Someone searched Google for the words: seinfeld Elaine drinks alcohol

As the #1 match, Google returns the following...

"Inconsolable hatred. Kelp farms. Drinking pure alcohol from a beaker. Bad stunts with a seal.... In one Seinfeld episode, Elaine developed a crush... "

Yes, Destiny-land is Google's #1 match. Over a year ago I mentioned Elaine's crush on video store clerk Vincent. But elsewhere on the same page I described Captain Nemo from 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea...

Yes, I'm Goog-enheiming again.

6:05 AM

"Guess where I'm going? I'm going to Mars! Please don't ask me why... I'm confused!"

The all-red comic strip "Get Your War On" comments on President Bush's space program.

3:39 PM

Julie is looking for a few good dates.

And she's not coming down until she gets them!

Yahoo parked a woman on the scaffolding of a billboard. On a couch. And then made her have six dates...

To promote their online personal ads.

2:09 PM

"Elvis brings the Big Beat to Bagdad!"

Amazingly, Elvis Presley goes to Iraq in his 1965 movie Harum Scarum...

Lured by a desert temptress into an Arabian rumble!
Risking his neck for dames he never saw before!

And seconds later, he's singing them love songs!

It's the Arabian Nights a Go-Go!

These are all actual quotes from the movie's trailer...

It's crazy, man! One minute our hero's singing his way out of the pokey. And the next he's swinging cool, as he invades the inner sanctums of love!

[The title card displays the words"Where the Slave-girls and Sultans are Swingers"]

In your wildest nightmares, you've never imagined such goings on as Elvis 'gets with it' in a rockin' rolling swinging spoof!

Amazingly, the movie opens with Elvis sitting next to an official from the State Department......

12:35 PM

My friend Splicer writes a remarkably poignant story about the childhood significance of "Battlestar Galactica."

In the comments, someone mentions DVD Tracks.com, where you can record your own commentary tracks!

12:16 PM

Al Franken will host a live, 3-hour radio show.

He told reporters he'll call Rush Limbaugh and ask him for advice.

"I'm interested in doing what I can to affect this election," Franken said. "I've been thinking about what's the best use of my energies — I hope this is it."

9:23 PM

Ladies and gentlemen...

Bobby Badfingers!

Thanks to Mat for the link.

5:21 AM

A political blogger is bashing President Bush's plans for the space program. Then he pauses, fondly remembering childhood-favorite TV shows set in outer space.

The memories are lovingly documented with pictures, and then a link to mp3s of the Space: 1999 theme. (Including one by Ennio Morricone!)

He points out that on Space: 1999, stored nuclear materials blasted the moon -- and its moon colony -- out of orbit.

7:03 PM

The war in Iraq was a conquest for oil "dressed up as a crusade for Western life and liberty..." by "a clique of war-hungry Judeo-Christian geopolitical fantasists who hijacked the media and exploited America's post-9/11 psychopathy."

Wait -- that's just a character in John Le Carre's new spy novel, "Absolute Friends." The New York Times runs through the highlights of Europe's perrenial criticism of America.

5:00 PM

There's The Matrix -- and then there's...

The Meatrix.

My friend Mike found this on Cal Pundit.

5:05 PM

"First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win."

Inspirational words from a web site called Punx for Dean.

The quote is usually attributed to: Mohandis K. Gandhi.

Link borrowed from Mat's "sidebar blog," LinkyDink.

1:02 PM

The long-awaited answers to my 2003 movie quiz....

Paycheck
Ben Affleck, talking to the treacherous clone of his girlfriend.

American Splendor
Young Harvey Pekar, trick-or-treating as himself at the beginning....

Charlie's Angels II
Cameron Diaz, taunting Demi Moore at gunpoint, as Lucy Lui and Drew Barrymore come to save her.

Shattered Glass
The New Republic's editor, realizing he's been snowed by Stephen Glass.

Matrix III
Agent Smith (Hugo Weaving) begins the final showdown with Neo (Keanu Reeves).

6:13 PM

Time for Destiny-land's Year in Review. All these quotes are from movies I saw in 2003. Can you identify the movies?

"What's my favorite baseball team?"
"Who cares?"

*

"I ain't no superhero, lady. I'm just a kid from the neighborhood."

*

"I have something that you'll never have."
"What's that?"
"Friends."

*

"He handed us fiction after fiction. And we printed it as fact. Because we found him entertaining. That is indefensible."

*

"Mr. Anderson. Welcome back. We've missed you."
"It ends tonight."

10:42 AM

On New Year's Day at the local multi-screen cinePlex, their loudspeakers were playing...

The First Noel.

On January 1?

Shouldn't that be the last Noel?

10:36 AM

"Man, this music sucks."

Watching Mystic River, I was appalled by the music. Pointless single notes on a synthesizer. Or, worse -- a synthesizer and oboe!

Who did director Clint Eastwood owe a favor to, I'm thinking to myself? And then in the closing credits, I see the answer.

Music by....

Clint Eastwood.

Well, that explains it.

By the way, I left hating the movie, too -- specifically because of its ending. It's ambiguity left me wondering if this was another run through Clint Eastwood's whole "Sometimes murder is okay" theme.

4:43 PM

I love the kittens playing punk rock video. Now their creator has a new music video -- two monkeys singing "I bought the wrong bananas."

Apparently he's got his own TV show on Britain's Channel Four now. Other experimental works include some techno Nazi kittens and a pair of hedgehogs singing acapella a song of cryptic anatomical vulgarities

12:43 PM

"...wouldn't be nobody git up an' feed the chickens! Hee-hee... ever'body jest lay in bed! Jest lay in bed till they ready to git up! Sho', you take a man high on good gage, he got no use for they ole bull-crap, 'cause he done see right through there. Shoot, he lookin' right down into his ver' soul!"

"I ain't never heard nobody talk so dang crazy, C.K."

"Well, you young, boy -- you goin' hear plenty crazy talk 'fore you is a growed man."

Terry Southern
Red-Dirt Marijuana and Other Tastes, 1967

11:32 AM

Michael Lund, world champion skier. He won the ballet freestyle competition in 1974.

Four years later, he disappeared, hiding from the federal government....

Wait, wait, I left out part of the story. The 37 tons of marijuana, worth $75 million, that he tried to ferry into the U.S. His personal 61-foot boat was to be the key link in a 9-person smuggling ring....

And then? Twenty-three years pass. He drifts to Santa Barbara, and then Wyoming. He has two children. He earns a pilot's license. He works at a motel....

And then two years ago there was a child support dispute. When he's fingerprinted in court, he's arrested for the 1978 crime. Balding, graying, nearsighted, he faces up to 15 years in prison.

Instead, the judge sentences him to three. He'll be released sometime in 2004...

10:30 AM